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JGL Manic 2

Carpe Noctem

Title: Carpe Noctem
Pairing/Group: Die/kyo, Die/Kyo/kaoru & Die/Kaoru
Rating: NC17
Warnings: Yaoi, Angst, Bloodplay
Summary: Die is sent on suicide watch for Kyo. Spending a night with the smaller man to hear what he has on his mind. But hears more then he ever thought he would.
Notes<:/b> N/A

Kyo took a drag from the cigarette and leaned his head back while he closed his eyes. The chill evening air caused him to shiver lightly as he pulled his legs up to his chest, ignoring the bit of wind that flowed through his hair, making it dance with it. He opened his eyes again when he heard the noise of a car honking on the street. But that didn’t mean he looked down over the balcony to see the cause of it. He just kept looking up to the stars and exhaled the smoke through his nose.

Yet Kyo once more didn’t see the stars any longer, he was stuck in his mind and he wasn’t sure what he was thinking of himself either. All he knew was that he was stuck in that dark world inside his skull and once more wished he wasn’t there any longer.

‘’Hey man, I brought you some beer.’’ A voice said and opened the glass door to the balcony. It took Kyo a few seconds to hear it, but when he did he glanced lightly to his left and saw Die lean in the doorway, holding the six pack of beer in his hands with a light smirk. ‘’And, a carton of cigarettes if you let me stay.’’ He then added and pouted lightly with his lips.

Kyo just looked away from Die and gazed back to the stars, placed his cigarette against his lips and took one final drag before flicking it away over the balcony. ‘’Why did you come here?’’ he murmured then before exhaling the smoke a bit. Die just shrugged lightly and closed his eyes shortly as he scratched his cheek.

‘’Well, you haven’t shown up on band practice for 4 days, and you haven’t answered our calls for 2, so that means something is up with you and Kaoru sent me to make sure you haven’t committed suicide or anything.’’ Die said simply and now didn’t wait any longer for Kyo’s approval to join him and stepped out on the balcony, placed the six pack on the table and the same with the carton of cigarettes on top of it before he closed the door.

‘’I’m alive so you can go now.’’ Kyo murmured and rubbed his arms a bit to get some heat into them. ‘’I’m just fine.’’ He then added and closed his eyes again. Die frowned at him when he heard that and closed the zipper to his own sweater, for being a summer night it was rather cold outside.

‘’You know I don’t believe that, I know you better then that Kyo.’’ he then said and opened the carton of cigarettes to take one package and opened it while he sank down in the other chair. ‘’So take a beer and tell me what’s up this time, you know you want to tell me.’’ He said then and lighted the cigarette and looked to Kyo.

He knew Kyo wouldn’t talk to anybody in the band, not even Shinya who he had known the longest of them all. But somehow, Kyo always chose to talk to Die, as if he was special in a way. He was also the only one of the band to ever have heard the words ‘you are my friend, you know that?’ from Kyo. At least that he was aware of.

Although he was sure the others would tell the band once they got it. For being acknowledged as a friend by Kyo was some form of victory.

Kyo sighed a bit and took the now opened package from the table and took one, placed it on his lips and then stole Die’s lighter to light it. ‘’You remember when I was 15, when I had my rats? The day that your dog killed one of them?’’ he then asked and let the cigarette rest by his lips as he took one of the beer cans. Six was the exact amount of number for them to beat their way through a night. Die would have four, and still be sober enough to pay attention. And if Kyo drank the other two spread out during the night he would also remain sober.

‘’Yeah sure.’’ Die said and took a beer of his own to open it, watching Kyo drink some of his and leaned into his hand while drinking of his own. ‘’How can I forget that?’’ he asked, remembering that day as if it was yesterday, and how devastated Kyo had been the following few weeks.

Kyo smiled weakly and then started talking.


When Die had first met Kyo, he was 17. At that time he had owned a dog ever since he was ten, he had named him Ichikei. He got him as a present for his tenth birthday, complete with a bow around his neck. Even if Ichikei had tried to get it of the second after his father put him down on their wooden floor.

It was a boxer, a smart one to. He had trained him to learn more tricks then just the regular sit, lay down and play dead. The dog could get the paper, talk to him and even get a coke can out of the fridge for him. As long as he put the coke cans all the way down in the fridge.

After playing in the same band for a few weeks, Kyo came over to visit him for the first time and brought one of his own pets along. One of his rats which caused Die’s mother to chase them outside since she didn’t want the rat inside. Even if Kyo had somehow managed to train it as well. So it actually was a moderate trained Chihuahua in absolute mini size, almost like one of those butterfly dogs Die once had read about.

But it didn’t bother any of them since it was a sunny day so they could sit on the porch, talk and look through several magazines. Die remembered that summer as a hot one, so he basically walked around in tank tops and shorts. While Kyo was a bit more dressed and still wore jeans and t-shirts since he felt more comfortable with it.

Die remembered himself leaning against one of the pillars to the roof and had one of his feet in the grass, feeling it tickle him, but not enough to react on it. Kyo would sit in the shadow Indian style, with his rat running around him and climbing on and off him. He had even climbed up on Die’s leg once which caused him to freak out shortly since It’s nails tickled more then anything he had never known.

And Ichikei, Ichikei was sleeping next to him, exhausted from the heat and would barely move when they where home, and the walks would shorten because he didn’t have the energy for it.

What happened then happened so fast that Die barely understood that it happened at all. The rat jumped from Die’s knee to return to Kyo. But Ichikei reacted to it, Die still couldn’t explain what happened, maybe the rat moved a bit too much to Ichikei’s liking. But he couldn’t understand that then, Ichikei never harmed anything.

The dog got up and within a second, he had snapped the rat up into his muzzle. The rat started shrieking and twisting in its muzzle. Die could still hear that shrieking in his ears sometimes, both he and Kyo acted directly.

Die remembered gripping a hold of his collar and pulling him over to him, then slid his hands around the muzzle and forced it open, quickly having Kyo snatching away the rat from its jaws. The next move was of course giving the dog’s ear a force tug which caused it to whimper out.

He looked up to Kyo who then had tears in his eyes and watched his rat twitching in his hand, whimpering silently. His fingers where red from the blood from the small animal, when the twitching stopped, Ichikei was still whimpering from Die’s grip on his ear. Although he let go and moved closer to Kyo to look at the rat in his hands, it had a gash on its front paw and it’s back legs from Ichikei’s teeth.

‘’Kyo.. i.. I’m so sorry.’’ Die tried and looked to Kyo, who now let his tears roll down freely from his cheeks. Then he had dropped the rat and ran off, away from Die and away from his garden. Die just remained confused on the porch, wondering what just happened in less than a few seconds. Ichikei was lying down again and crawled closer to Die, wanting his forgiveness.

His mother had then walked outside to check what happened, and when she saw the dead rat on the porch she had screamed out and tried to slam it away. And even if Die felt a bit disgusted to hold the dead animal, he managed to save it from his mothers foot and promised her to take care of it, and to wash his hands of course.

The next day Die had walked home to Kyo with a cigar box from his father, where he had put the rat in. He left Ichikei home since he was rather sure Kyo would freak on him if he saw the dog. But he didn’t want to leave him. Die always took Ichikei everywhere by foot. So he saw the dog jump up and bark by the fence, wanting to go with him.

He had knocked on the door and had given Kyo’s mother a weak smile as he begged to be let in. She didn’t even know who he was, since Kyo had never dragged him home either, seemingly his mother thought he didn’t have any friends at all. So he was the first one in years to come by.

Die had walked into Kyo’s room, guessing right judging by the posters on the door and the music playing from inside. He had knocked carefully and stepped inside, finding Kyo curled together on his bed, facing the wall. ‘’Hey.’’ He said weakly, although he didn’t get a reply from Kyo. He noticed the cage under the stereo, with one other rat in it, Kyo told him yesterday he had two.

‘’I brought you your rat, I thought, you might want it back.’’ He said and moved over to the bed, placing the cigar box on the night table.

‘’Yui.’’ Kyo then said and Die watched him close his eyes. ‘’Her name is Yui.’’ Kyo murmured and kept his eyes closed. Die bit his lower lip a bit and looked around, not liking the fact that Kyo still talked over the rat, Yui, as if she was still alive.

‘’Look Kyo, I don’t know what flied into Ichikei’s skull, It’s the heat I think. He’s been sick more than usual and i-‘’ Die started out and made some nervous movements with his hands.

‘’I don’t want to talk to you!’’ Kyo had then said loudly to him and curled more together. ‘’Just leave me alone! Now!’’ Kyo had then added and Die didn’t hesitate, he turned around to leave the room, but then stopped in the doorway and turned to look at Kyo.

‘’It’s just a rat.’’ He then said before closing the door behind him and leaving the room and left the house, returning to Ichikei. But even when he returned, he found it hard to stroke him, and that was probably the first night where Ichikei wasn’t allowed to sleep in his bed at night.

Kyo remained absent for everybody in a few weeks and Die didn’t understood why he would mourn that much over a rat. But what mattered him more is that Ichikei lounged to attack the neighbor’s cat. And the week after Ichikei even dared to attack Die when he was playing fetch in the garden. Luckily his parents had been outside so his father had thrown the dog of him.

His mother wanted to put Ichikei down after that incident of course, and Die had protested with all of his might, even if his arm was bruised and bloody from the incident, he still had small scared from its teeth.

He managed to convince his mother to have Ichikei checked out by a vet first, still hoping that it was the heat. In the end his mother agreed much to his father’s will however. So Die had taken him to a local vet to have him examined. He found nothing wrong and then took a few scans of Ichikei, and found out what caused the sudden aggressiveness.

And after two very nerve wracking hours he found out that Ichikei had a tumor in its skull, making him more aggressive the more the tumor grew. He had him put down that very day, just five minutes after he found out since it wouldn’t be cured.

He had walked home, alone and shocked about it, thinking over the seven years he had shared with his dog, the seven years he had loved him more then anything. And once inside his room he fell down on his bed and started to cry. And just like Kyo he remained a week on his bed.

Then Kyo came to Die’s house for the first time since the incident and walked into his room. Then in the end he spoke up. ‘’Hey, it’s just a dog right? That’s what you told me about my rat.’’ Kyo said, watched Die and then left the bedroom, having Die starting to cry again.


Die watched Kyo take a drag from his cigarette and closed his eyes again before he then exhaled the smoke through his nose once he had finished retelling the whole memory that Die remembered so clearly.

‘’What about it?’’ Die asked then and leaned into his hand. Kyo opened his eyes again and gazed back up at the stars.

‘’Then there was my dad’s funeral, do you remember that?’’ Kyo asked and smiled weakly before he looked at Die, who nodded lightly and started to wonder where Kyo was going with all this. ‘’It was just four months or five after you put your dog down, and we just became friends again after that.’’ Kyo then said on a low tone and closed his eyes again before he started to speak again.


Die had only been to three funerals in his life, one of them was a classmate which had died in a car accident when he was seven two days after he started in a new school. The second funeral was when he was eleven, when a family friend had died from a disease. The last one he had attended was when he was fourteen when his grandfather had passed away.

So this would count as his fourth and he would just attend as support for Kyo. He remembered that his mother had told him that he looked handsome in a suit. But as soon as he got out of the house and had walked one block, he had removed the tie and thrown it into a ditch and ruffled his hair a bit so it would be more fluffy.

He couldn’t remember much from the other three funerals but he definitely remembered this one as being the stiffest one of them all. There was this horrible tension between Kyo and his mother, even Shinya had agreed on it.

Once the ceremony was over, Die had taken his the courage by the collar and walked over to Kyo to say that he was sorry. Somehow that felt hard and awkward to do for him. He had found Kyo leaning against a tree and looked up to the red leafs falling slowly from it, and he had told Kyo what he wanted to say. And Kyo’s reply caught him of guard.

‘’Whatever, I don’t care he died, it was about time anyway.’’ Kyo had said and shrugged a bit, having Die nod lightly. Kyo had sighed and tilted his head back against the bark and looked up to the leafs again. Leaving Die just standing next to him. ‘’I like autumn, not because of the colors like everybody else says, but because you can look out of the window and watch everything wither away. Death fascinates me.’’

Die had gazed to Kyo then and watched the blonde light a cigarette against his lips. Watched him take a drag and watched him tilt his head back as he let the smoke destroy his lungs, then sat down against the tree in the grass.

Die had sank down on the grass next to him and taken the cigarette from between his fingers. Kyo had never moved to stop him either. Die had never smoked a day in his life. The reason of that was that he had this childish dream of becoming a soccer star. But when he had reached the age of 17 he realized he had his shot, if people thought he was good then he wouldn’t be where he was right now.

So he placed the cigarette against his lips and carefully took a drag. However the smoke got stuck in his throat which made him cough violently. Kyo opened one of his eyes and looked at Die who lost his breath for a few seconds, then laughed as he saved the cigarette from falling to the ground while he slammed Die’s back a few times.


‘’Kyo, what’s the meaning of this?’’ Die asked as he now had listened to Kyo, retelling another memory of their friendship which he just as the first one still remembered clearly.

‘’And then, then we went home, do you remember that? But first we went out drinking, and we got drunk, quite drunk.’’ Kyo said and was now smiling cutely to himself as he was rethinking the whole happening. Die frowned a little bit and drank more of the beer can.


He vaguely remembered stumbling back into Kyo’s house, having them both giggle and then finally having Kyo hush him to silence while he tried to stop giggling himself. Then Kyo had closed the door and locked it, then fell silent for a while as he tried to hear if his mother was home, which she wasn’t.

‘’Come on.’’ Kyo then said and tried to walk up the stairs, found that it didn’t go very well and then tried to balance himself with the wall. Die had laughed at the sight and followed him. And once inside Kyo’s room he had taken the liberty to fall down on Kyo’s bed with a wide grin.

They had snuck away from the funeral and managed to get a hold of some beer. How they had succeeded with that he couldn’t remember. But he could clearly remember that Kyo only had two before he was wasted. And Die had settled himself with the rest while Kyo tried to teach him how to smoke.

Kyo moved to start some music before he also moved over to the bed and laid down on it, having his eyes closed and snickered lightly when the music started. Then he slowly opened his eyes and looked at Die.

‘’Dai-dai?’’ Kyo said, a nickname Kyo had started that day when he was drunk together with Die. When Kyo was drunk he had a habit to start nicknames. He had pretty much given the whole band it’s nicknames. Kaoru became Kao-chan, Shinya became Shin-chan, Toshiya became Totchi and Die had always been Dai-Dai.

‘’Mm.’’ Die had murmured in return, feeling warm and cozy now with the alcohol flowing around in his blood. He even had a light spinning feeling in his head now that he was lying down. He didn’t bother to open his eyes until the duration of the answer took. So he shifted in the bed and moved to look at Kyo, but he never got a good chance to do that.

Kyo’s lips had locked themselves on Die’s, and because of the alcohol spinning around he had replied it without much thought. At first it was just a small soft kiss, careful as if they would hurt one another with it. And in less than a second their kiss changed from something small and innocent to something hungry and wanting.

They had struggled to get their suits of, which didn’t go so smoothly since they wanted them of as quick as possible and their fingers didn’t quite do as they were told. But their lips never left one another’s. At least until they had gotten their shirts removed from one another. Then Die took his chance to kiss the skin under Kyo’s jaw, his neck, biting at the skin on his collarbone and then his torso.

Having Kyo moan under him and drag his nails down Die’s arms while moving his hips towards him so Die could feel his hardon, and by feeling Die’s hardon against him Kyo didn’t exactly calm down, he just wanted more of it.

The struggle to get their pants of worked better than their shirts for some reason. Now, Die had never been with a man, or in this case boy since Kyo was so small of size before, but Kyo pushed him into the right direction, soon moaning out softly by Die’s somewhat clumsy movements. But each time he was on his way to do something really stupid, Kyo always managed to guide him back to have him moan again.

And to Die, to Die it felt like the greatest sex he ever had in his entire 17 year old life then. And the sight of the blonde bellow him, moaning his name and kissing his skin and lips, dragging his nails over his shoulder blades and arms in pure pleasure.

The way Kyo had shivered and had trouble to moan and breathe when he came, writhing bellow him. Was a sight Die never would forget, it was so beautiful. And with Kyo being so tight all of a sudden, it was just to be asked for that Die would cum as well. Moaning out and moving fully into Kyo.

And then he simply collapsed on Kyo, both of them struggling to breathe at first. Then they had managed to kiss one another lazily, and stroked one another’s skin as they slowly drifted away into some state which could be called sleep, but yet not. And Kyo had been so stubborn with having it being ‘’Having reached nirvana’’ Or something that Die didn’t care much about it.

But they remained awake for longer then both of them expected, and when they where awake, or sober again, it had turned dark outside.


‘’Kyo-‘’ Die started out and straightened his back a bit. But he never got to say much more since Kyo had aggressively cut him off from what he was on his way to say.

‘’Just shut up and listen to me alright?’’ Kyo growled and glared to Die while he took the cigarette package from the table. Die just frowned a bit and watched Kyo. ‘’And then, then we started to experiment, right?’’ Kyo took a drag of the cigarette. ‘’I mean, for some time we actually where normal horny teenage boys.’’ Kyo stated and actually smiled a bit.

Die couldn’t help but snicker a bit and drink some more of his beer. ‘’Normal horny teenage boys don’t screw one another, nor girls, they don’t even watch a porn flick, they just watch dad’s beat down collection of girls in the playboy collection.’’ Die said and took a drag of his own cigarette, yet it seemed to amuse Kyo a bit since he chuckled lightly.

‘’Well, somewhat normal then.’’ Kyo then said and smiled weakly as he lowered his hand, then moved to take a sip of his beer. ‘’You liked to choke me you remember? Robbing me of air, and didn’t allow me to breathe, just as I always would bite through your skin just to have that taste of blood in my mouth.’’ Kyo said on an almost dreamy tone and looked up to the stars again.

Die moved one hand up to his neck and stroked the skin, oh he remembered that far too well. All the countless times he had to explain to his mother where the bruises in his neck came from. How he had to explain to his friends at school why his neck always had a tint of blue and purple, at points even green.

‘’Why are you talking as if I’ve forgotten it all Kyo? I still remember it all.’’ Die said and leaned back in the chair, drank some of his beer and then crossed his legs over one another.

‘’Please… just listen to me and stop interrupting me.’’ Kyo then said and looked down again. Die could feel the others mood race downwards again, even if he had been able to smile just seconds earlier. Die wanted to sigh, although he didn’t and just leaned into his hand again.

‘’Then, then Kaoru joined La:sadies.’’ Kyo stated again and looked up to the stars again, in an almost longing way before he pulled the zipper up to his sweater and crouched more together.


Die could remember what turmoil it had been when Kaoru first decided to join La:Sadies for almost fourteen years ago. Die had enough difficulties just getting along with Kisaki, then when Kaoru, who was just as strong willed as Kisaki if not even more so it caused Die to be more of an ass then he usually was to someone new in the band just to give them a hard time.

In the end, he thought Kaoru was too cold for him even to handle. So he ended up back talking him with Kyo by the soda machine after a band meeting. Long enough ago for Shinya to still be in his last year of school.

‘’He has no soul.’’ Die remembered himself say as he smirked widely and fed the machine a bill, then pressing the coke button. Kyo snickered that devilishly little snicker of his and watched Die bend down to get his coke can. ‘’He’s soulless!’’ Die said loudly and looked up to the ceiling as he spread his arms much like anyone who was talking to god did.

Kyo laughed a bit and also fed the machine with some coins to take the remaining money of Die and get himself a can of Fanta instead. ‘’If you keep that up he’ll hear you.’’ Kyo said and bent down to get his own can. Die snickered a bit and stood up again as he opened his own can to drink some of the coke.

‘’I doubt it, look at the guy, he’s a self centered dick who doesn’t hear what others say, expect Kisaki but that’s just because they keep arguing with one another. Seriously, who does he think he is, he’s new to the band and yet he’s throwing around all the commands.’’ Kyo had just looked at him with a small smile on his lips as he drank some of his own Fanta.

‘’He acts like he has something shoved up in his ass. I don’t know what but it’s something that settled itself there and built a small nest for itself, that’s what makes him so stiff, it’s uncomfortable.’’ Die said as he picked up his guitar case and threw it on his back. And Kyo had laughed to that, and everything else Die had said about Kaoru as they walked down the streets.

‘’And did you see his hair? I don’t think I’ve seen anyone before with a hair dye that went that bad.’’ Die had said and snickered before throwing his coke can away. Then that tap on his shoulders which still could send shivers down his spine when he recalled the feeling of it. How he so carelessly had turned around with a grin to see whoever bothered him with Kyo. And how his insides had frozen when he saw Kaoru’s stern eyes.

What happened the second after that had only happened once in their entire history as a band. Kaoru had clenched his fist together and served Die a punch in his face which knocked him back until he fell on the pavement, putting his hands down just in time to save his guitar from the ground and his back. Kyo had looked at both of them with terrified eyes when Die had moved up his hand to his throbbing cheek.

‘’What the hell is your problem?!’’ Die had yelled at him then while people tried to avoid them by walking so far as possible away from them all. Kaoru had just stared at him for a few painful silent seconds.

‘’What the hell is your problem?!’’ Kaoru had then yelled in return to him. ‘’Do you really enjoy to insult people that much? Because that’s the only thing I’ve heard you do ever since you left the building! It’s a wonder he even wants to hang out with you!’’ Kaoru had said and waved his hand to Kyo who flinched lightly at it.

A lecture that Die would never forget, unlike all the future lectures Kaoru had given him, which went in by one ear and out by the other. And then the punch line which hurt so bad the entire time he had his hair dyed red.

‘Look at your own hair, fix it please, it gives people the idea you are homeless.’


‘’So Kaoru joined the band, we had a fight, so what?’’ Die then asked and shrugged lightly before taking a new can of beer and opened it. Kyo just looked down when he heard that.

‘’The next step, was Kaoru trying to make you like him. And so much more.’’ Kyo then whispered on a soft tone, which caused Die to frown again, not sure what he really meant with that. ‘’He took you to that bar. Madaraushi.’’


After the punch Die got from Kaoru, which had given him a slight black eye, Die didn’t really feel like becoming friends with Kaoru, even less then he wanted earlier. But Kaoru had kept pushing the matter, saying it was an immature act and that he wanted to make up to him by buying him a beer.

Die didn’t really see where it went immature. They were both 23 at that time, Kaoru almost 24, If someone insulted you, you simply punched them in the face to make them shut up. But he went along with it, he got free booze after all, it was almost new year so it came for cheaper price then otherwise.

The silence under their first beer was unbearable, during their second they had started to talk. By their third one they started to loosen up and by fourth they were joking like the best of friends. After their fifth they got thrown out from the bar for making too much noise so they went to the closest club they could find.

Somewhere between their second beer and their third one in the club they jumped over to stronger liquor. They even got pushed out of the club since they stayed long enough for the club to close down. So around 4am, they stumbled inside Kaoru’s apartment and laughed at everything and nothing.

It didn’t take long for them to start tugging at one another’s clothes, then soon they where kissing one another’s skin and lips. Quickly making their movements more harsh to get the other out of their clothes while struggling out of their own. They had growled at one another to hold still, or move a bit to the left and even to shut up but never listened to it.

Kaoru’s touches seemed to set his skin on fire, having Die purr under his touch and completely surrendered himself to Kaoru, going along with whatever he wished since every touch was like another rush of a drug crawling over his body which caused him to shiver in delight.

There was no doubt in the fact that Kaoru knew much more what to do right then Die and Kyo knew together even after their play for several years, in just one night Kaoru had shown Die so many new things, feelings he had never dreamt of to feel.

They had both fallen asleep in exhaustion, none of them having the energy to move to Kaoru’s bed and just slept on his carpet. Then when they both woke up they couldn’t keep their hands of one another which caused them to get going once more. And the big smirk Die had on his face during the whole walk home, and how he couldn’t wait to tell Kyo about it, suggesting to Kyo that they should have him join them one day.

Kyo had been hesitant to the offer, but after Die having push on him like that he couldn’t say no. So even that same night, Kaoru had joined Die and Kyo. And Die loved every second of it while Kyo just went along with the flow. Telling Die the second that Kaoru left, that he didn’t want to do it with him anymore.


‘’So I slept with Kaoru, so what?’’ Die then said and felt more and more confused over the matter, yet Kyo seemed to grow more and more upset.

‘’Then we stopped sleeping with one another, do you remember why?’’ Kyo then asked and looked to Die. Who for the first time couldn’t recall exactly what had caused them to stop sleeping one another. So he looked down with a slight blush and shook his head, seemingly Kyo got his point now.

Kyo licked his lips a bit and took a shaky breath. ‘’You said.-‘’


‘’Kyo, we should stop this, seriously.’’ Die then said as he tilted his head a bit to the side while Kyo tried to nip him in his neck, having his confused gaze look up to him, eyes screaming out ‘why?’

‘’I don’t want to do this anymore. I’m going to do this with Kaoru.. and it feels weird to do this with two at the same time.’’ Die then said and carefully pushed Kyo away from him, who just grew confused for each passing second.

‘’But.. we’ve done this for years.’’ Kyo then tried and put his hands in his lap. Die had just smiled weakly to him.

‘’Honestly Kyo… the sex is better.’’


Die licked his lips a bit and looked down, then let his hand flow through his hair. ‘’Alright, I should have put it in a nicer way.’’ He then confessed and looked to Kyo. Kyo just chuckled and looked away, flipping away the remains of the cigarette over the balcony. ‘’But.. that’s a long time ago Kyo, what does that matter now? I stopped screwing around with Kaoru did I? And we remained friends.’’ Die then tried and waved some with his hand.

‘’What matters is that it still hurts Daisuke.’’ Kyo then said simply and stood up, emptied the second beer can and placed it on the table. He opened the glass door and stepped inside, leaving the confused Die out on the balcony.

‘’He, what?’’ Die called out confused and threw his cigarette away before then walking after Kyo into the living room. ‘’Kyo please, it’s almost 15 years ago, just forget about it.’’ Die tried and placed one hand to turn Kyo around so he could face him. However the sight of Kyo surprised him.

He had seemed to be so calm and collected just seconds earlier, so he couldn’t understand how all of that could have fallen apart so quickly. ‘’I can’t!’’ Kyo yelled at Die and clenched his fists while he looked at them. ’’I want to forget about it so bad but don’t you think that if I could? I would have forgotten about it by now? God you’re so stupid at times!’’ Kyo said loudly, trying to force out all of the frustration and anger inside of him. He couldn’t take it anymore.

‘’Kyo calm down.’’ Die tried and stepped a bit closer to him, but just backed up when Kyo literally tried to punch Die away from himself.

‘’I can’t believe you left me to run off to screw with Kaoru! That was our thing! Our thing that we had in common with one another and then you decided to share that with Kaoru! Over just a few beers, because honestly, if it wasn’t for that none of this would ever have happened, then it would just be you and me!’’ Kyo said loudly to Die, giving him several pushes in his chest while speaking up.

‘’Then why didn’t you tell me you where bothered by it!’’ Die yelled to Kyo, not wanting to take any more of this and just wanted to have them both calm down. Kyo fell silent and looked down with hacky breathing.

‘’Because I love you for Christ’s sake, I have since I first saw you.’’ Kyo said on a frustrated tone then and looked up to Die. Who just gave him a confused gaze, so Kyo looked down again and shook his head, then let his hand flow through his hair.

‘’Please.. can’t we just.. can’t we just go to bed, screw like the old days and sleep.’’ Kyo then said tiredly and had Die sigh, then nod a bit and rub Kyo’s arms a bit.

‘’Yeah, alright.’’ Die said then and hugged Kyo, although the blonde didn’t want to stay in the hug and went to his bedroom. Die placed his hands on his mouth and sighed a bit, then moved to pull off his shirt while he also walked into the bedroom where Kyo was sitting on the bed. ‘’So you want to screw?’’ Die then asked and looked to Kyo who nodded weakly.

‘’Yeah, forget what I said, my mind isn’t working now, I just want a good fuck and fall asleep, and I know you can give me one of those.’’ Kyo said and smiled weakly to Die, who smirked lightly and nodded a bit.

Die walked over to the bed and kneeled down in front of Kyo, stroking the skin on his arms. Then he gazed down shortly, not quite sure if this was a good idea right now. ‘’Kyo?’’ he said then and looked up to him again, having Kyo look at him from under his fringe. ‘’Are you sure you want to do this?’’ He asked, wanting Kyo to think it over. He had seen Kyo extremely upset before and it wasn’t a surprise that he made choices that he would end up regretting the day after when he felt better.

Kyo didn’t answer him with words; instead he just moved to place his lips carefully on Die’s. Die didn’t do very much at first, he let their kiss last for a while to see if Kyo would remain or bail away.

But Kyo didn’t bail, so he started to return it carefully and placed one hand in Kyo’s neck. Kyo quickly placed both of his hands in Die’s neck and then slid of the bed so their kiss would become smoother. However Die didn’t like to remain on the floor so he placed his arms around Kyo’s small body and lifted him up. Placed him on the bed and crawled over him even if he had a bad feeling in his stomach about it all.

But he would continue if it kept Kyo calm for the moment. He slid his hand under Kyo’s shirt and stroked the skin on his side lightly. Having Kyo break their kiss from a gasp and moved his body towards the touch. Die smirked lightly; seemingly he was still as sensitive as ever. Since their kiss was broken now anyway and Kyo was moaning softly to his touch, Die decided to place his lips softly in Kyo’s neck.

Kyo shivered from the feeling in his neck, he didn’t need more than that to start shivering. Although Die had always had it easier than anybody else he had ever decided to sleep with. He felt how Die’s hand that stroked its way up his side pulled his shirt with him, and soon had to break almost every inch of skin contact they had to pull it off.

He kissed him again, tracing his hands down Die’s torso, then up again to button his shirt open. Once he got the chance he kissed the skin on his collarbone. Soon having his entire shirt unbuttoned and pushed it over his shoulders, then nipped at the skin there which had Die gasp out lightly.

Kyo smirked very lightly, then moved to nip in Die’s neck, then let his teeth sink down hard to bite him instead which had Die groan out. Kyo let his fingers trail down Die’s torso once more, then reached his pants, unbuckled his belt and then struggled with the zipper before kissing his lips again.

Kyo could tell that by now Die was getting fired up about it all, that he was getting eager and that he wanted to have Kyo now. And he loved the feeling, he just loved the idea, he had Die crave him again.

Tugging Die’s pants a bit down, then skillfully sliding his hands inside them which had Die moan out and arch his hips towards Kyo’s hands, wanting more of his touch. Kyo bit at his lower lip and closed his eyes, tilting his head to the side so Die could kiss the skin there, wanting to save the memory in his mind before he would continue.

He started stroking him lightly, soon having Die groan again from it. Just hearing it sent a shiver down his spine and he felt himself harden a bit from it all. However he didn’t continue this for very long, he soon removed his hands and gave Die’s shoulder a hard push so he rolled of him. He straddled him and then kissed him again, then moved to his neck, his collarbone, torso, and stomach.

Die smirked when he realized what Kyo was up to, closed his eyes and tilted his head back to enjoy himself. Moving one of his hands to stroke the straws of Kyo’s blonde hair, he felt how his pants got tugged down even more, then how Kyo’s fingers wrapped themselves around his length.

The grip of Kyo’s hair tightened and Die moaned, feeling the kisses trail up his length, then ultimately tease the tip the way Kaoru never had been able to do. The way nobody ever had been able to do. His breathing hitched a bit, wanting more of it right now and Kyo didn’t wait that much with giving it to him.

He took him into his mouth, almost painfully slow which had Die groaning, then whimpering because of the slow tempo. His nerves by his lower back screamed at him to move, so he would get more of that pleasure and faster, he bit his lower lip to prevent a whimper from pain, but oh how he wanted.

All of the air left his lunges once Kyo had moved all the way down and Die nearly shivered from it now as well. Not even being able to bring out simple words past his lips. He couldn’t even tell Kyo to get moving. He felt like a girl for wanting it that much and feeling like this, as if he already would cum, and that would have been embarrassing.

Then finally Kyo moved up again, slowly starting to blow him which made the air return to Die’s lungs, since he now was panting heavily and kept that grip of Kyo’s blonde hair.

‘’God.’’ He then murmured from it and moaned again, arching his hips lightly towards Kyo who reacted to it in the most evil way. He didn’t stop it, instead he just made it more teasing and pinned Die’s hips down so he wouldn’t be able to move from it, having the guitarist whimper again.

After a while he noticed that Kyo was stroking himself as well, which brought a smirk on Die’s lips, although now he didn’t want to wait much longer and thanks to the grip of his hair, pulled Kyo away. He didn’t care if it might have hurt a little for Kyo, he knew the blonde would love it either way. He pulled Kyo’s body close to his own and kissed him again, then stripped the blonde out of his pants.

He moved his hand between Kyo’s legs, to his entrance which he started to stroke with his fingers, having Kyo whimper and grab a hold of his arms, not to stop him but to hold on to something. Die smirked a bit. Cute.

He moved to place his lips on Kyo’s cheek, then slid his other hand up to one of Kyo’s nipples, teasing it lightly which had him whimper out again. Die moved his lips to his neck, kissing the skin there and nibbled softly at it, knowing Kyo would want it.

‘’Die.’’ Kyo then whimpered, which Die took for granted was from the feeling he felt now. ‘’Lube, please.’’ Kyo whimpered then and it had Die stop his movements, even if he didn’t want to. He kissed him again and moved his hand from Kyo’s chest to his cheek to stroke him lightly, but kept teasing his entrance.

‘’Okey.’’ He said before leaning back, still having Kyo straddle him, realizing he loved the sight of Kyo like that above him. So wanting. He pulled the night table open with his free hand and rumbled it through before he found what he was looking for, then moved up to kiss him again. While kissing him he stopped stroking Kyo shortly so he could press out some of the cold lube onto his fingers. Then started stroking him again.

Kyo shivered from the cold touch and hid in the curve of Die’s neck. Then finally he managed to slide a finger inside of Kyo, having him gasp lightly, but soon relax which caused Die to add a second finger to make some scissoring movements.

Kyo’s breathing grew heavier from it and he had a slight blush spread on his cheeks. He kissed Die again, deeply from start to show him how much he needed it right now.

‘’Do you want it?’’ Die purred right into Kyo’s ear which had the blonde shiver almost uncontrollably as he moved his fingers deeper inside of him. ‘’Thought so.’’ Die then purred as well and removed his fingers, stroked the remains of lube on his own length and then lined himself up

He got a grip of Kyo’s hip, knowing the other would try to move away from the pain in pure reflex, even if he had done this so many times before. Then Die literally had to force himself, seeing stars in front of his eyes as Kyo enclosed him. Had he always been this tight?

Kyo let out a painful gasp and did try to move away, but thanks to Die’s grip he didn’t and just whimpered painfully while Die moved inside. Die could see he was trying to hold back the tears from it. He kissed his cheek to comfort him a bit, then groaned a bit from the feeling, now being fully inside and once more having his nerves to scream at him to move on, but he needed a sign of approval from Kyo first.

‘’Don’t move just yet.’’ Kyo whimpered then and bit down hard on his lower lip while still hiding in the curve of Die’s neck, having his arms around it as well. Die stroked his hands down Kyo’s back, feeling really impatient but would wait until Kyo said so, although he knew that if he took longer then 60 seconds he would move anyhow, Kyo wouldn’t mind it in the long run.

In the end Kyo moved a bit up, hissing a bit and then moved down on him again, slowly but he did something. Die whimpered out from it and then in the end dared to thrust lightly to Kyo, having another painful whimper in return from Kyo.

But with each movement Die made, the whimpering from Kyo eased more and more so in the end Die could thrust at a calm tempo. Then turned the two of them around so he would be on top and just held Kyo close. Even if he wanted to take it all so much rougher, he knew he would damage Kyo badly if he did. He needed to wait, chances where small this would be over quickly.

Kyo started to meet his thrusts and moan more occasionally from it, arching his back towards Die to get more out of it. And that when Die started to pick up the way he loved to have it. He lifted Kyo’s hips up lightly so he had a better angle and started thrusting harder into Kyo, who just started to moan louder from it, as if Die should have done it so much earlier.

Kyo moaned, whimpered, shivered and groaned, moving his body in pure pleasure from it and then bit in Die’s neck. Then he moved one hand out of Die’s hair to the night table and started rumbling through it. Then returned with something silver in his hands which Die had no time to see what it was.

But then he felt it instead. His neck stung, in a pleasure full way and soon he felt something hot drip down his neck. It was a razor, seemingly Kyo’s kink would never die out. Kyo placed the razor away and then placed his lips on the wound to suck the blood out of it.

Die groaned from it and started thrusting harder into Kyo, which made him moan out shortly before he then placed his lips back in his neck.

‘’Harder.’’ Kyo moaned out when he stopped sucking in his neck, then kissed Die again who could feel the weak trace of blood in it, not really liking it, he never had. ‘’Fuck Die, do me hard!’’ Kyo then growled frustrated when Die seemingly didn’t thrust hard enough to Kyo’s liking.

So he shifted in the bed, keeping Kyo pinned down on the bed and lifted Kyo’s hips into his lap, then moved one of his legs a bit more up before he started thrusting roughly into him, having Kyo moan out from it and tilt his head back.

He moved one hand to stroke Kyo’s length a bit, having him gasp from it and once more arch his hips towards Die. Then without pretty much no sign, Kyo came and moaned out loudly from it, freezing all of his movements in the moment.

Die paused and breathed heavily, regaining his calm and breath before he would continue moving, he needed just a very short break now.

It was only a short moment in their night compared to the rest of it. Die held no count of how many times he came, but he knew for sure that it was more often then Kyo. Their kisses where countless and the cut in his neck had gotten several more around it, not only in his neck but also on his torso. And the times where he had acted like he almost punished Kyo.

All Die knew was by the time that they finally stopped, that it was past noon, and he knew they went to bed around six in the morning.


Die woke up from the stroking through his hair, having him tilt his head a bit to the side, just relaxed against it for a few seconds before he then opened his eyes. The sky had grown dark outside again. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath and then turned to look to his other side, seeing Kyo look at him and stop stroking his hair.

Die smirked weakly to him and then closed his eyes again, he didn’t even see Kyo’s smirk in return. Then Kyo popped his elbow up and leaned his head into his hand, looking at Die. ‘’Why wont you drink my blood? Like I drink yours?’’ Kyo asked curiously, almost sounding like a small child. Die opened his eyes again and looked at him. ‘’I mean, during sex.’’ He asked then and gestured some with his other hand.

Die pulled himself up to a more sitting position and raised his shoulders. ‘’It’s not my thing I guess. It’s your thing.’’ He said then and looked back to Kyo, feeling the cuts on his chest itch a bit because of the conversation, reminding him of that he had them.

‘’Have you ever tried?’’ Kyo asked and raised his eyebrows to Die. Die laughed a bit and rushed his hand through his hair, having Kyo smile a bit to him, then watched him shook his head to him. ‘’Then how do you know it’s not your thing if you haven’t tried it?’’ Kyo added and watched Die raise his shoulders.

‘’I don’t know, I just don’t like the idea doing it, I don’t like others doing it on me either, you are okey since I know you that well, but otherwise, no.’’ Die said and looked to Kyo with a small smile on his lips. Kyo just pouted a bit and nodded.

‘’but if you don’t mind me doing it, then you logically shouldn’t mind drinking my blood right?’’ he questioned and sat up now, having Die look at him in a confused way.

‘’Kyo, that’s not how it works, I just don’t want to.’’ Die said and sat up, but Kyo ignored him and turned around to the night table. Then when he turned around again he had a gash by his wrist and pretty much handed his arm to Die who’s eyes had widened.

‘’Try it, it’s not that bad.’’ Kyo said and smiled to him, having the dark red blood run down his arm now.

‘’Kyo what did-‘’ Die started, but never finished his sentence, he was mesmerized by the look of the wound and the blood that now almost had reached Kyo’s elbow in several lines.

‘’Come on.’’ Kyo urged and moved his arm a bit closer to Die who just flinched away. ‘’It tastes just like iron.’’ Kyo added and smirked a bit to Die. The blood had now started dripping down onto the grey sheets, staining them.

‘’Kyo stop it!’’ Die then yelled out and flew out of the bed, quickly pulling on his pants and then snatched the first shirt he could find on the floor towards him. Jumped on the bed and wrapped it tightly around Kyo’s arm.

Die’s heartbeat was racing, he could hear it between his ears beat at the same rate as a hummingbirds, he felt panic within himself and he couldn’t control his breathing. ‘’Don’t do that!’’ he then shrieked to Kyo and looked back to him. Kyo just had a confused expression on his face. Like a little child that didn’t quite understand a game.

Die removed the shirt from the wound, Kyo’s wrist was entirely red from the now smudged blood. But he could still see the blood sip out of the wound, at a slower pace than before however. Die bit his lip so hard that he even thought he tasted some blood, which caused him to grow disgusted while he pressed the shirt hard on Kyo’s wrist again.

‘’You don’t do that man.’’ He then whimpered and looked back to Kyo again, who now looked down with an ashamed look on his face. ‘’Come on.’’ He then managed to say on a somewhat stable voice. We have to clean that, don’t you dare remove the shirt.’’ Die said then and placed Kyo’s hand on it so he wouldn’t remove it. Then got out of the bed to walk towards the kitchen.

Kyo followed him slowly, looking downbeat when he got into the kitchen and sat down on the counter, still having the shirt as pressure on the cut by his wrist.

‘’Why did you do that?’’ Die then finally asked and wet down a towel with some warm water with his back turned to Kyo, who didn’t give him an answer. Die wrung the hot water out of the towel and then turned around, carefully removing the shirt, seeing it was his own now and started to clean the wound. ‘’Kyo.’’ he then stated sharply, on a tone Kaoru would use on him when he was more sleeping then playing his guitar during practice.

‘’I wanted you to try it.’’ Kyo said then on a soft tone. Die looked up to him and saw that Kyo had tears in the corners of his eyes. But Die wouldn’t let himself fall for that, he couldn’t allow it so he returned to the wrist, wanting the red color gone from Kyo’s skin.

‘’I said no.’’ Die said simply. Kyo bit his lower lip and looked away. Die sighed a bit and continued cleaning it, then went to get the first aid kit to dress the wound.

‘’Why did you cut so deep?’’ Die then asked after he put some compressors on the wound, then started to roll band aid around Kyo’s wrist. Kyo took a deep breath, then bit his lower lip carefully, Die could see on him he didn’t want to answer that question.

‘’It’s not deep, it’s rather shallow.’’ Kyo said then and looked to Die. Knowing Die didn’t want that answer.

‘’Kyo, tell me.’’ Die then said and looked up to Kyo with stern eyes. Kyo just shifted uncomfortably, then looked back to Die, gazing into his eyes for a few seconds before he then leaned forward to place his lips on Die’s.

However Die didn’t allow himself to that either and leaned back from the kiss and looked to Kyo, still having the same gaze in his eyes. Kyo just looked down again and placed his hand on the counter now that Die had finished dressing it.

‘’I just want to be close to you, but I can’t.’’ Kyo said simply and kept his gaze down, taking a deep breath. ‘’ I’ve always watched, because I knew it wouldn’t go. That’s why I cut so deep. I guess it’s a teenage thing really, cut to feel pain.’’ Kyo said, then laughed nervously and looked back up to Die, falling silent again.

‘’I mean… you wouldn’t want to be with me right? Not that way, not the way that I want.’’ He then stated simply. Die sighed a bit and looked down, then shook his head.

‘’So you where serious yesterday, that you loved me.’’ Die spoke slowly, Kyo blushed a bit and then looked down, nodding lightly. ‘’That you’ve loved me ever since you first met me, even if my dog killed your rat.’’ Kyo blushed, but did nod to him and then looked up to him again.

‘’Would you love me in return?’’ Kyo then asked on a low tone, being terrified of the answer, Die sighed a bit and let his hand flow through his hair.

‘’I love you, but I can’t love you like that in return, I can only love you like a friend.’’ He said carefully, hoping Kyo would understand. He saw that Kyo understood, but that he didn’t want to understand it.

‘’And-‘’ Die started then, leaning against the counter behind him. ‘’I’m not ready for a relationship, I know that’s lame since I’m thirty five, but, I just can’t.’’ He said and crossed his arms over his chest. Kyo licked his lips a bit and nodded.

‘’You should go.’’ Kyo then said carefully and looked down. Die nodded a bit, if that’s what Kyo wanted then… then he would do it. He walked to the hallway to pull his jacket on. Not caring that he was bare-chested, he didn’t want the blood soiled shirt anyway, it was ruined and it made him uncomfortable.

He had pulled on his shoes, then realized he couldn’t leave just like that. He moved back to the kitchen and pulled Kyo in a hug, which got returned with force from the smaller man.

‘’I’ll always be there for you, so don’t you dare doing anything that I wouldn’t approve of as soon as I’ve closed the door okey.’’ Die said then and eased the hug. Kyo chuckled weakly and nodded.

Die smiled weakly to him and stroked Kyo’s cheek lightly. ‘’If I ever change my mind about having a serious relationship, you’ll be the first one to know, I promise.’’ He stated and removed his hand. Kyo blushed a bit and looked down, then nodded with a smile.

Die looked down as well, then moved to place a kiss on Kyo’s head. ‘’I love you.’’ He murmured before he then loved to the hallway. Pulled on his shoes and left, He took his time walking down the stairs, being out on the streets five minutes later, just when he heard his phone ring so he pulled it out of his pockets. It was a message from Kyo, which caused him to smile a bit.

I love you to



Some of the grammar was a bit off, but this is still one of the best fics that I have read in awhile. :3
Glad to hear that you like it despite the grammar errors :3
It was written quite some time ago but never posted it, and now never read it through for any mistakes, should have done that, they are all completely my bad. Also, my apologizies for a late reply, as I've been out of the country *bows*
That's perfectly alright, dear. :3
Wow ... that was one of the most touching stories I've read in quite a while.
I really loved how you described things, and also the ending ... sad but still a little hopeful ... like the rest of the story (or is that me wanting to see it positive and in truth Kyo is doing something stupid?)

Thank you for sharing!

Glad to hear that you liked it :)
And even if there hasn't been any continuation written, I can speak for Kyo that he didn't do something stupid.
Also, sorry for my late reply as I've been out of the country *bows*
YAY! I'm happy to hear that now ^.^
Don't worry ;)
You did reply, that's already awesome. Some people don't respond at all :(
I personally find it quite annoying when they don't reply, it's like they don't appreciate you taking a few seconds of to comment on their stories.
totally agree on that... it's rather impolite too if people do that
I didn't pick up the habit of replying on the comments that I got until last year to be honest. And I'm quite happy I started doing so
hihi ... I'm happy about that too xD